Foolish man

Thank you Lord for the idea to put my daily struggle and my daily relationship with you in writing.

Reading my past experience, I realised how fool I am now O Lord. I'm still going around in the same circle. You have given exactly what I asked, when that things happened I complained and disobey you Lord. Reading the journey on http://mannaclinic.blogspot.com/2009/02/emotion-rollercoaster.html giving me a kind of dejavu, because I have the same feeling now.

Now the door to go to Europe is shutted and I let my emotion taking over and forgetting the whole matter. I have said clearly 'O Lord, forgive me that I've doubted you and try to take the matter into my hand. I realise how foolish the decision, as I now feeling the confusion and the emptiness when I try to settle it on my own. I should leave it to you and let you handle the things and concentrate on my growth in you. I should focus more on my relationship and strengten my faith in you instead of getting messy with this stuffs.' but yet I'm doing it all over again.

I'm sorry Lord.....I'm weak and I'm stupid. But I know you have patiently teach me and hold me. Always receipts me with a hug even when few minutes before that I just did something terrible to you.

Lord how easily I said 'I surrender' when the fact I'm not. Forgive me Lord.

If all the things now happened for a lesson of total submission, humble, patient and faith, then Lord I accept. If all these things happened in painful manner, that is because I'm the one who do not learn correctly so you have to take this measure to dicipline me.

Thank you Lord for your love.

I accept your decision and I let you lead my life......

Amen